We're gonna get straight into it this morning. You shall not commit adultery. This is the seventh commandment of 10 that KJ has so far explained and will continue to explain in the coming weeks in his sermon series entitled Live Free. And I'm real I really feel privileged to be able to fit in with this current sermon series with you guys, so even though the topic of adultery is such a doozy. So but before we get into it, here are some pretty shocking stats on adultery.
Just to set the scene. 41% of marriages, one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional. Twenty two percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives. Fourteen percent of married women have strayed at least once during their married lives. Thirty six percent of men and women admit to having an affair with a coworker.
The average length of an affair is two years. Seventy four percent of men would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught. Sixty eight percent of women would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught. Seventy nine percent of respondents said that having an affair with a taken man was never acceptable, but forty six percent admitted to having done it. More than a third of divorce filings last year due to adultery contained the word Facebook, and one in five adults use Facebook for flirting.
A few years ago, a writer introduced a chapter in his book entitled, The Devil and Sex, with these words, to the adolescents among my readers who have turned to this chapter first. And I wonder how many people reading the book actually flicked to that chapter first. You know, imagination stirred, mind working overtime, hoping for fresh pieces of forbidden knowledge maybe. And this is probably the type of inward desire that Jesus picked up was happening around Him when He gave His interpretation of the seventh commandment in Exodus 20:14. In Matthew 5:27-28, He says, you have heard that it was said, you shall not commit adultery.
But I say to you that everyone or anyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Let me just sit that with you for a little while there. So straight away, we can see that committing adultery extends much further than what is described in Exodus 20:14. It's so much more than a physical act. It's a lustful look, a staring gaze, a secret thought, or even an imagined act.
I just wanna say that lust is very dangerous. It's so dangerous that I may even cause it to happen, even just preaching about it here this morning. You need to know it's not that way with other sins. I wouldn't cause you to become angry by preaching on anger. I wouldn't cause you to become greedy by preaching on greed, but lust.
Lust is a really tricky subject. Even just the mention of the word may cause some to do the very thing that I'm preaching against this morning. That's the truth. So let's continue in the spirit, shall we? Guarding our hearts and minds as we spend time on this topic this morning.
Can we just pray now? Let's bow our heads and pray. Holy Spirit, we just ask that You give us a sense of Your presence and nearness in this room this morning as we look at the topic of adultery. Lord, I pray that You fill us in a way, Lord, that looks to You, that helps us, Lord, to keep our attention and our focus fixed on You as our rock and our redeemer and our liberator. Holy Spirit, fill every heart in this room this morning.
Guard our hearts and our minds as we hear about adultery this morning. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. So let's take a few steps back now and start at the beginning. The seventh commandment says, you shall not commit adultery, and that seems pretty straightforward.
In the dictionary, it's defined as voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful husband or wife. So here, on one level, adultery is the act of physical unfaithfulness to your spouse. And that's just not on. So how does God feel about adultery? Well, He actually classifies it as among the worst sins a person can commit.
Name one good thing that adultery ever accomplished. Name one home made stronger by unfaithfulness. Point out the children made happier because someone broke their vows. Search the pages of history and see if you can find one good thing to say about adultery, even one positive benefit of unfaithfulness. You won't find it because it it can't be done.
Nothing good can be said about adultery. It's destructive. It wrecks homes, destroys lives, harms children's children, ruins marriages, ruins reputations, and that's not to mention your relationship with God. But this level of adultery, that is the act of physical unfaithfulness to your spouse. It's only touching the tip of the iceberg.
Jesus makes it unmistakably clear in Matthew 5 that lust is the root and adultery is the fruit. Let me say that again and keep this in mind, that lust is the fruit and adultery, sorry, that lust is the root and adultery is the fruit. Because if we only see adultery as a physical act, that puts us in danger of missing the greater lesson of the seventh commandment in Exodus 20:14. Jesus' whole point is that it's very possible to commit adultery in your heart without ever physically touching another human being. It's very possible for you to outwardly remain faithful to your husband or wife sitting right next to you now while inwardly lusting after someone else.
You need to know that inward lusting, even if it remains hidden for years and seems quite harmless, is adultery in the heart and is breaking the seventh commandment quietly, silently, and repeatedly. It's pretty heavy stuff, isn't it? So what exactly is lust? Lust is the irresponsible pursuit of sexual enjoyment. Remember what I said, lust is the root and adultery is the fruit.
And like all other sins, lust begins on the inside, but eventually works its way out. It's a problem of the heart, a very real and powerful problem. Lust is a battle fought first and foremost in the mind. It's possible for a person to be lustfully occupied while driving a car or working or reading a book or even praying or listening to this sermon this morning. It's possible.
And because of its unseen character, it's never safe to say of another person that he or she could never have that problem. You can't look at a person and say, oh no, they would never have that problem. In the mind, many things take place that would never be mentioned in public. So building on top of what we've looked at so far this morning, I thought it would be really helpful for us to look at a story about lust and how it played out in one man's life. I'm sure many of us are familiar with the story of David and Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 11.
I'd flick over there if you have your Bibles there. If you remember, David, he was the greatest king of Israel. He wrote many of the Psalms and was even called a man after God's own heart. He was a shepherd, a singer, a writer, a warrior, a ruler. No greater man ever ruled Israel.
He was greatness and godliness wrapped up in one human personality. But regardless of this, the great godly king, David, fell victim to the sin of lust and adultery. If you turn over in your Bibles, 2 Samuel 11 reveals five steps, and we're gonna go through these five steps that led David to lust and adultery. The first step which led him to lust and adultery was that he wasn't where he was supposed to be. The story begins with a very matter of fact statement.
Verse 1, if you have a look there, of 2 Samuel 11 says, in the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle, David sent Joab and his servants with him and all Israel. So David wasn't where he was supposed to be, Out with these soldiers, going to battle. In the spring, the rains ended making it an ideal time to go to war, but where was David? He was back in Jerusalem. So what's going on here?
He's he's probably about 50 years old. He's on top of the world. He's been fighting one battle after another for years. Maybe he felt he had nothing to prove anymore. Previously, he had always led the army himself, but now he entrusts it to Joab, his number one general.
When speaking of David, Matthew Henry, a Bible commentator said it well. If he had been at the front, he wouldn't have been on the wall. When we are out of the way of duty, we are in the way of temptation. Let me repeat that. If he had been at the front, he wouldn't have been on the wall.
When we are out of the way of duty, we are in the way of temptation. David's now an accident waiting to happen. He's alone. He's king, and he's accountable to absolutely no one. This brings us to the second step which led David to lust and adultery.
He looked at something he shouldn't have seen. Now this is where the plot thickens in verse 2 if you have a look there. It happened late one afternoon when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king's house that he saw from the roof a woman bathing, and the woman was very beautiful. The Hebrew emphasises the point that Bathsheba was a truly beautiful woman. David sees her, stops, considers the scene, briefly looks away, looks back, and he's completely hooked.
For Bathsheba truly is beautiful, beautiful. And the night is young and he's all alone. No one's around. Her husband is off with the army and after all, David is king, isn't he? This brings us to the third step which led David to lust and adultery.
He asked a question he had no business asking. Verse 3, if you have a look there, and David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah, the Hittite? Now on the surface, this appears to be an innocent act, doesn't it? We need to note that the lust is well hidden at this point in his heart and that no adultery has taken place.
In fact, no one seeing his actions would have condemned him or thought twice. Outwardly, he's done nothing wrong, but inwardly, in his mind, he's already slept with her. The deed is done in his imagination before she even knows he's seen her. At this point, it's not difficult to understand David's thinking. It's it's easy for someone to rationalise lust.
I'm alone. She's alone. God wants me to be happy. My current marriage, well, that was never God's will in the first place. No one will ever know.
It's just as much her fault as it is mine. Lust has worked its evil. Though no outward physical sin has taken place, David has already broken the seventh commandment according to Jesus. This brings us to the fourth step which led David to adultery. He pursued something that wasn't his to have.
His lust now leads him into deliberate sin. Verse 4 says, so David sent messengers and took her. Just so you know, this is very clear abuse of power. David may have thought to himself, I can do anything want. I'm the king.
And I think the unstated premise is not even God can stop me. He knows Bathsheba's married. He knows her husband is away. He knows that adultery is wrong, and he knows he shouldn't do it. David's the same man that wrote, The Lord is my shepherd.
I shall not want. That same man now deliberately sins against God and it was his lust that made him do it. This brings us to the fifth step and final step which led David to adultery. He did something he never should have done. If you have a look there, the deed happens quickly.
Verse 4 says, and she came to him and he lay with her. Bathsheba comes to David, they both commit adultery, and she goes back home. As the story goes on, it appears that David's gotten away with it. But a short time later, Bathsheba sends a message that would change his life forever. In verse 5, she sends a messenger and tells him, hey, David.
I'm pregnant. And I can only imagine the look on his face as he heard that. The rest of the story is well known. He attempts to cover up his sin. David first plans to lure Bathsheba's husband, Uriah, into sleeping with Bathsheba so that he would think that he is the father of the unborn child.
Desperate measures. When that doesn't work, he orders Uriah to be sent into battle and the soldiers around him withdrawn, leading him to certain death. Once Uriah is dead, David is free to marry Bathsheba making everything legal for everyone to see. His plan seemingly works. At the very end of 2 Samuel 11, we read these words, but the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.
First, was lust, then there was adultery, then there was deceit, and then there was murder, and then there was a deceitful marriage. In the end, David didn't get away with anything. His sin found him out. And do you know what the scary part is? The scary part is that David never said to himself, I think I'm gonna go and commit adultery today.
I'm sure if you suggested to David at 2PM that he would commit adultery at 8PM, he would have either laughed at the thought or had you thrown in jail for slandering his reputation. A man after God's own heart. But it happened. Lust is the worst of all the sins in that it promises you everything but delivers nothing more than destruction. The more you lust, the less satisfying it becomes.
That seems harmless to take a second look or to delight in an unlawful act or thought or to buy a certain poster or to listen to a certain album or to dress in a certain way, but it's never enough. Lust never satisfies the soul. It promises more than it can ever deliver. You always have to come back for more. Lust is love in ruins.
There's nothing honourable about it. It only leads to a cheap motel room or a fuel station newsstand or a secret glance out the window or a late TV show. In a sense, lust is like gluttony and greed. The greedy man is obsessed by money. The glutton is possessed by his appetite and the lustful man is possessed obsessed by sex.
He controls him, masters him. It's basically his god. It's idolatry. Now in light of this sad story, we need to ask ourselves this question, how do we remain free from this gripping sin? Can we get really super practical here this morning?
I'll give you four decisions that every believer needs to make. The first decision that would be helpful for you to make is to be intentional about avoiding lust producing situations. And this is an extremely personal matter. Each one of you knows your own limits and we're all different. What produces lust in my life may be different to what produces lust in your life.
It's hard to sort of draw absolute limits. But the fact is there is a line that you can't cross. So it'd be wise to know where that line is for you than work hard not to cross it, wouldn't it? On a practical level, that means there are some TV shows that probably aren't appropriate, like Game of Thrones for instance. Great storyline, but way too much nudity.
There are movies that aren't ideal, like the latest Baywatch featuring The Rock. It may be funny, but there's far too many swimsuit shots or shirtless men walking around. There are some books or magazines you should probably steer clear of. In particular, I'm thinking of women's romance novels or even some men's sports or car magazines. It doesn't matter if everyone else is reading them, if they're piled up in waiting rooms, the local doctor's surgery, keep them at an arm's distance.
Beyond that, in your daily life, it's best to be conscious of your own conversations. It's important to be aware of where you are and what you're doing and who you're speaking to. To be more specific, there there are some relationships that probably aren't ideal to be in. There are some smiles that wouldn't be wise to return. There are times when you may need to choose to appear unfriendly not because you dislike the person necessarily, but because you know you're in danger of crossing that line.
For some of our younger people, this this means there are some parties you probably shouldn't go to, some dates which may not be the best, some music you should choose not to listen to, and, again, some movies that you shouldn't watch. Make wise choices. Sex and lust provoking situations are all around us and this is very personal. It's also very profound. Know yourself, know your limits, and work hard not cross the line.
The second decision that would be wise to make is to purposefully avoid provoking lust in other people. This is another very sensitive area. Some Christians act as if freedom in Christ means we no longer need to worry about how other people see us, perceive us, or think and feel. There are some men and women who simply don't help others by the way they dress. Some people seem to delight in dressing as seductively as possible, and then they act surprised when someone has a problem with it or when they get a reaction.
I mean, of course, we all need to be responsible in guarding our own hearts and minds, but we mustn't create stumbling blocks for one another. In our visually orientated society, it's so easy to mislead by the way we wear our clothes or by the way we carry ourselves. So let's not send out mixed messages about our intentions. Let's think about the way we dress, about our tone, our language, even our casual physical touch, our facial language, our smile, our glance, our wink, our knowing look. All these things matter.
Do you know what the Bible says the sin of defrauding is? In the context of lust, defrauding happens when you create a desire in someone else that can't be righteously fulfilled. It happens when casual conversation turns the corner into flirtation. You feel it. You know it when it happens.
You've crossed the line into forbidden territory. And this is important for our young people again. Sometimes girls can lead boys on and create thoughts and desires that can't be righteously fulfilled by the boy. And boys can do the same thing with their girlfriends. Sometimes it only takes a word or a glance or a secret smile.
It doesn't take much. I'm saying work hard not to lead other people on or be a tease or be a flirt. It's not helpful. Even if nothing happens, you've defrauded the other person. The third decision that would be wise to make is purposely choose purity.
How do you purposely choose purity? You need to make the choice of purity in advance. You can't make it on the spot there. Secondly, it needs to be based on a daily walk with God. And thirdly, it needs to be grounded in a life of healthy activity.
Many people think Christianity is overly prim and straight laced, but that's far from the truth. Christianity isn't prim and straight laced, but it is modest and clean, isn't it? Purposely choose purity. Nothing will clean out the corners of your life like a commitment to a life filled with wholesome, godly activity. Driven by purity, when the dos outweigh the don'ts, then you begin to experience the joy of purity and the thrill of the victory found in it.
But you need to make the choice, not just once, but every single day. The fourth and final point you need to make is to come clean with others about your personal struggles. And I would say this is probably the most important point of all. Lust is such a tricky matter that you'll never win the victory on your own. I'm telling you now.
You'll never win the victory over lust simply by praying by yourself. And God never intended us to fight this battle alone. He put certain brothers and sisters in our lives so we can come clean about our struggles. Now I'm not recommending that you share your struggles with everyone. That probably wouldn't be wise, but don't struggle alone.
That's my point. Find a friend or a small group of friends and and just ask them to hold you accountable. I know it's hard. Tell them you want them to ask you hard questions. Tell them not to let you off easily.
The worst thing about lust is that it makes you live in the shadows. You hide your sin because you're ashamed to admit the truth. But when you dare when you dare to come clean with some trusted friends, suddenly, mark my words, truth and light will rush in, and you will experience freedom and joy only found in Jesus. That's the truth. So what does this all mean, and where do we go from here?
Well, if you're single, it means choosing to obey God instead of following the temptations of the world. It means choosing to be pure in a world that's driven by sex. It means choosing holiness in a world that tells you to seek pleasure and chase the desires of your own heart. It isn't easy being single today. The world doesn't encourage faithfulness to God.
Quite the opposite. But it is possible and the choice is worth making. If you're married, it means remaining faithful to your spouse over the long haul. It means turning away from certain trips and relationships that lead down the wrong path. It means cultivating your love life over the years.
It means saying no to something so that you can say yes to what is godly. You need to sit down over a cup of tea and just talk it out. You do. You need to be that intentional about it. In my marriage commitment to my wife, Sarah, my goal is to be pure and clean and faithful to her to the end of my days.
I wanna focus my thoughts and dreams on her and no one else. These are my goals. I wanna I wanna live so that when I die, I'll be able to say that I've known one woman and fully known her, and she's known me fully. The depth of my heart, wanna be faithful to her. I want us to be so close together, so committed so that no one could ever be closer than we are.
You need to sit down with your spouse to talk about it. What's your goals in your marriage? The best defence against adultery is a godly and faithful marriage. To the young people, I say it's worth waiting for. Please wait.
And to those who are married, I say it's worth working for. And finally, I wanna speak to those here this morning who feel unclean. Remember what I said, it's never safe to say of another person that he or she could never have the problem with lust or adultery. In the mind, many things take place that would never be mentioned in public. I'm very conscious that my words may be difficult for some people in this room to hear this morning.
Maybe you already feel unclean and impure. Maybe you've learned through bitter experience that lust promises nothing. Promises everything but delivers nothing. Maybe you feel guilty about something that happened years ago or this week or last night. Maybe memories pour in from the past rising up to condemn you.
That's the devil telling you you're unclean. Were you tempted this week and did you give in? Do you feel trapped by your own sin? Let me remind you that only the guilty can ever find forgiveness, can't they? If you do feel unclean, remind yourself of the story of King David as we've already looked at this morning.
After his cover up was exposed, David at last came to his senses. Could God forgive an adulterer and someone who struggles with lust? Would He? Can the stain be removed? The memories healed?
Is there anything that can wash away this destructive sin? Yes. I'd encourage you to read Psalm 51 in your quiet time. It's a story of David's confession and prayer for forgiveness. What he prayed is the answer for all those who feel unclean here this morning.
He says in verse 7, wash me and I'll be whiter than snow. Those who feel unclean shouldn't lose hope. Don't lose hope. Hebrews 12:2 tells us to turn to Jesus and fix our eyes on Him. Fix your eyes on Jesus.
And this is where many fail. They give in too soon. They say, I tried to push it out and didn't work. So they let it just take up residence in their life. But I ask, how long did you try?
Do you think it was gonna be easy? It may take years. How hard did you exert your mind? Flex your mind with strength. Bring in the kingdom of God with resolve.
Ask for the Holy Spirit to consume you and fill you. Be brutal. Hold the promise of Christ before your eyes. Hold it and don't let it go. Keep holding it for how long as long as it takes.
Just fight for it. Fight till you win. At home, we always make sure our kids are well out of the way before we close the garage door. Why we're out of concern for their safety, really? If an electric garage door were about to crush your child, you would hold it up with all your might, everything within you, wouldn't you?
And cry out for help and hold it and hold it and hold it and keep holding it. Don't delay and don't despair. Jesus is there. He's waiting to wash you clean from the inside out. That's the truth.
Keep your eyes fixed on Him. You don't stand condemned this morning. Ask for His Holy Spirit to so fill your heart and strive. Just continue to strive. Don't give in to live a life that reflects and honours Him.
Amen. Let's pray this morning. Father God, that's pretty tough to hear. I'd say some of us in this room do struggle with lust and adultery in their heart even though others can't see it. We thank you for your word of truth giving us all we need for life and godliness.
Thank you for speaking to us today about adultery. Even even though it's a pretty heavy topic. We are thankful. We see a way forward. Your son, Jesus.
Please continue to work in us by the power of Your Holy Spirit, sanctifying us day by day and making us more like You. You are our only hope. And, God, please forgive us for our sins, especially our sins of lust and adultery. We ask that You would cover us with Your blood and make us as white as snow. Wash it away.
Lord, we love You. We recommit ourselves to strive toward holiness and an intimate relationship with You. You are great in power and abounding in love. So much love for us, Your children. That Jesus, You are our king.
You are our redeemer. You are our saviour. You can free us from anything. And so we fix our eyes on You, and we look to You for everything that we need. We pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.